My son has this new thing he does. It drives me crazy. When I ask him to do something, his first response is “I can’t”. He doesn’t just say it, he whines it. We’ve been having this discussion about our words and what we speak over ourselves. I’ve banned, “I can’t” with him. He has to find another phrase and he has to try what it is he says he can’t do. Here’s what I’ve learned about parenthood. Our kids, in many ways, are reflections of who we are. Many of my kids behaviors can be pinpointed to myself or my husband. Without them even knowing, they constantly hold the mirror up to my face so that I can see myself more clearly. The whole “I can’t” ministry isn’t only something my kids say, sometimes it’s me. There are times I shut myself down before I even begin.
What do you say to yourself when no one is listening? When you’ve reached your last nerve or even during normal conversation? Here’s what I know. At times, we say things to ourselves that we’d never let anyone else get away with. We wouldn’t let others do it to us and definitely not our kids. So why do we do it? Why do we go negative when we talk to ourselves or about ourselves? Answer me this. Does it make you better? Does it change your situation? What did you get out of it?
I’m not even talking about bashing yourself. That alone should be banned. It doesn’t have to the level of you throwing daggers in your own heart. It’s the little stick pins though. They start it all. It’s the,”girl, I gave up on that (insert goal) a long time ago. It’s too late for all of that.” or “That would be great, if I had time for it.” It’s those times in the mirror when you get a glance at your post baby body and call yourself fat or ugly. I know I’m a slim mama, but trust I carry the mama pooch too.
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Those small things we say to ourselves over and over again have a huge impact. Think about this. When people act a certain way, sometimes we say they’re “believing their own hype”. That just means something they’ve done is a pretty big deal and everyone is talking about them and how much they rock. They let it go to their heads. People are talking about it so much that the person starts to believe all the hype about themselves and go overboard as a result. The same can be said for the not so nice things we say to ourselves. We hear it so much from our own mouths. You know what happens? We start believing that hype. Here’s a few things that should be banned by moms. We shouldn’t say them and try not to think them.
There are some things that we really need to let go of. Some things that we just shouldn’t say, especially about ourselves. As mothers, one thing we tend to say is “It’s too late.” So many moms feel like it’s too late for all the things they wanted now that they’re a mom. We wonder what people will think of us, as a mom, if we go after something we really want. Does that mean we are less of a mom because we do something purely for us? What will people say?
We have to drop the idea that we can’t do or be what our hearts desire. At the very least we have to try. I know people that have given up because they just decided that what they want is too hard. I can’t say that those same people aren’t living with regrets. When I have to do something that pushes me and I think it’s too hard, I remember that I gave birth to two humans. I’m helping to raise two people. What is harder than that?
Speaking of bringing two humans in the world. Nothing seems to make a woman turn on her body faster than having kids. We get so frustrated with the after. And this society has everyone obsessed with what the post baby body looks like. When I worked in entertainment television, I really felt it. Here I was, in meetings, where it was normal to follow the latest baby bumps and how quickly (insert celeb) got bikini ready in a matter of weeks after having a baby. It’s enough to make any woman feel the pressure to keep up. It’s also enough to make women everywhere obsess over their less than firm tummies. I ready something the other day that fits right with this. My latest notes from the universe said “Step #1 for changing the entire world is falling in love with it as it already is.” That’s perfection. It’s fine to want to change how your body looks. It’s even better when you change the way you look at it first.
Have you been guilty of any of these? What do you need to stop doing?
7 Comments on 3 Things that should be BANNED
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I am so guilty for so many of these! This really spoke to my heart. I really am one of those people who says things to myself that I would never let anyone get away with.
I have a child like that too! He’s a teenager now, and we still talk about about how he has that trait that wants to give up, but he needs to keep trying. Great thoughts!
Camesha,
I’m not a mother, but I could definitely relate to this post. Negative talk just drags us deeper into misery. Being more intentional and aware of the words I speak has helped change my life. I really enjoyed reading your post!
I love this! Since having my daughter 2yrs ago one of my main goals is to try make sure I talk positively about myself in front of her. It’s so easy to talk about ourselves negativity, speaking well of ourselves and others is so much more important. Thanks for the reminder, mama!
Hi,
I couldn’t imagine what the taboo comments were. Good choices!
Janice
Totally agree about the “It’s too late” thought. If I truly thought it was too late, I wouldn’t have my cousin back. Ie. My cousin and my relationship is mended. It took about 20 years for me to come around and see if she would be open to us being ‘friends.’ Yay us!
Kids are our reflections, you have pointed it right. It’s just because they have learnt from us, growing up watching us and hence are their actions. Many a times we dislike their action and we try to correct them, its rather we who have to change.