Some lessons hurt. Some lessons keep coming until you figure out what you’re supposed to learn. It’s never fun to learn things the hard way. Sometimes, that’s the only way we get it though. Or is that just me? I’m not proud to say that I can be hard headed. Still, it’s the truth. I’m getting better at learning my lessons – sooner. There is one that took me a while to figure out.
If you keep putting everyone else before you, you’ll always be last.
It sounds simple but sometimes we need to see it in black and white for it to really click. It’s almost as if there’s a mom contract we’re expected to sign. “You must put everyone before yourself – all the time.” We do it willingly too. We’re part super hero, part martyr. But if you keep putting everyone else before you, you’ll always be last. Yes, that includes our kids.
Putting yourself first is a natural instinct – until you become a mom. But why is it so hard? See super hero/martyr reference above. 🙂 We can take care of the needs of our partners and our kids and everyone else. You know what will happen? They’ll be happy and you’ll be miserable and exhausted. Miserable because you’re not carving out any time for yourself. Frustrated because you don’t have anything that’s just for you. Exhausted because being a mom, wife, girlfriend and all the other stuff on your plate can wear.you.out.
How do I know? I’ve been there. That’s been my story. I was full on wearing the cape. Sometimes, I still do. I have to be super mom and have my kids involved in activities, get them out for play time, make sure they’re getting all they need academically and have one one one time with each of them. There’s also the need to make sure my husband is happy and he feels supported. So what about me? Where was I falling into place? I had to learn that when I spend some time to focus on me, I’m better at my mommy + wife life.
My friend once told me to not take myself off the calendar when I was about to cancel one of my self care appointments. She warned me that once you start taking things away, it gets harder to add them back. She was right. It took forever for me to work those things back on our calendar. Doing things that fill, fuel and refresh you can’t be optional. They don’t have to be big things. It looks different for all of us. I believe that taking time for things I’m passionate about and making steps toward my dreams are a part of my self care routine. That’s a part of “my thing”. I need “my thing” for my sanity. Every day I’m learning to put myself first more. It definitely sways because there are times when my kids needs outweigh mine. So what does putting yourself first look like?
Tribe : Find one. Your people are out there. Trust me. I have found my people in mom groups, blog groups, at the park and other random places. They help me to remember that while being a mom is a huge part of me, it’s not the whole of me.
Give balance the boot : The further I go, the more I learn that balance is a total myth. I don’t believe in it. I tend to have priorities instead. I focus on what needs my attention most. Trying to balance kids, marriage, business, friends and a million other things is insane. Having priorities is a must. It helps me split my time in a way that makes sense.
Sleep : One thing I have to have is sleep. I have to get a good nights sleep or it’s bad for everyone. EVERY ONE! If I don’t get enough sleep, I’m cranky and end up snapping at my kids and husband. Obviously, I don’t like it. Pssst… they don’t either.
Be a role model : The first role model we all see are our parents. It almost doesn’t matter what they tell use to do or not to do, we focus on what THEY DO. That’s pretty much what we follow. If our kids see us treating ourselves well, if they see us being confident, secure and happy – you know that’s rubbing off on them! YES!
See you how they see you : I always say that marriage and children are simply mirrors. They show us the best and worst of ourselves. It’s up to us to decide what we do with what we see. Think about this – would you want your kids to treat themselves the way you treat you? If the answer is no, do what you can to make it a yes.
Talk to me. How do you make sure to put yourself first?
33 Comments on 5 Reasons Mom Has To Be First
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I’m hard headed as well! I’m still learning when to take the cape off. Great tips. #blmgirl
I didn’t really Understand the impact putting myself last was having until after the birth of my second child. Now, I do all I can to make sure I’m taken care of so I can really take care of everyone that matters to me.
This is such an important post. We have to take care of ourselves first. If we don’t, we’re no good to any of the people we love.
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These are great reasons. We have to take care of ourselves first before we can take care of others.
I’m hard headed too maybe bec I live with such belief that you have to go out there, make your own mistakes and learn from them 😉
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I know the feeling of forgetting ourselves for the sake of the family. You pointed out convincing reasons.
This is a great post on taking care of yourself first! If you don’t take care of you then how can you take care of everyone else??
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Such a fantastic post. I admit that I became emotional while reading it because I tend to forget to put myself first, like most moms. I guess I need to think about the picture I am painting for my daughter and make some changes.
That is all great advice. One thing is for certain, you have to take care of you. Thanks for the tips.
This is such a great post. I’m the same way about sleep to. I am not a morning person at all. I use to be more of a morning person before I had kids. Now I’m not much for waking up and I can get cranky as well if I don’t get enough sleep.
These are great tips! I’m still working on the “balance” thing & getting more sleep. Consider me a work in progress.
I tend to put others ahead of myself and sometimes it annoys me. I need to be more aware of me and my feelings.
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This is a great post for all moms out there. I agree with getting sleep and having a tribe. Top of my list for sure.
It is very important to put ourselves first and I especially love “sleep.” As a mom, I think we try to do everything when the children go to sleep and then we end up tired in the morning instead of refreshed. I’m going to try and make it a point to put myself first more often! 🙂 Thanks!
I often put others first. I’m so used to giving up things. I have tried putting my health first this year. I had back surgery just before Christmas.
Awesome post for all the moms out there! It’s always hard to put yourself first especially when you have kids! But taking care of yourself first is a must also!
Happy Mothers Day! Although I am not a mother yet, I keep myself first by not being afraid to say no. Seems similar to you not sacrificing your self care time.
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This is something I’ve never struggled with and I hope my daughter who I 9 knows I love her but I have to take care of me in order to be a good mom.. I stay leaving her and the hubby for me time
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I’ve been putting myself on the back burner since given birth to my daughter. You are right, once you start taking things off the calendar, it is harder to put them back.
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By going after my goals, it is important for me to work towards walking within my purpose in and out of my home
Taking care of yourself first is essential, this is a lesson that many of my mommy friends had to learn the hard way.
I try to take a me day where I just do something I like. Eat lunch out, paint my nails or window shop. Something. It gets hard though.
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I gave up my cape probably a year ago. I do my best, and on any given day what i deem my best may not fulfill your expectations but I am ok with that. I had to realize I am only one person and I will have days i totally rock it and then others i am doing good to clean myself and not cry all day *shrugs* its how it is. I especially careful to get my appointments that make me feel good about me in so I dont fall into that tunnel of guilt when you try to add them back. Thanks for sharing!
Bijee recently posted…Protect Your Energy
Wise words and great advice. If we don’t take care of ourselves, no one else will.
This is a lesson I’m constantly learning. I’ve been going to the gym 2 to 3 days a week for over a month now. It is the longest I’ve consistently been taking care of me. I leave home and drive 20 minutes to class, work out for an hour and drive 20 minutes back home.
I leave the Mister and the kids to do homework, bed time routine and everything else. I come back refreshed, recharged and looking good.
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I put myself first when it comes to vacationing. I’m not a mother, but I am a busy person. I truly feel that you can’t give when you’re empty.
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I am not a mom yet but I heard too many times that women put their lives on the backburn after children. Women need not to be selfish sometimes because if she doesnt she will have regret and burn out. We all deserve me time outside of mothers day!
I’m happy you stated balance is a myth. I tell people that all of the time! Something, no matter how big or small is going to be neglected at some point when you’re a busy working mom.
Preach it!!! If mama is burned out, everyone suffers! Excellent reminder!
I tell babe all the time “happy wife, happy life”. I can’t be no good to anyone if I’ve just over everything, great reminder.
Yes, lesson learned the hard way!
This is excellent advice! Especially being a role model. Whenever I do something that qualifies as self care, my daughter feels like she needs to as well.
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