Dear Me,
When you were younger, you had the timelines all figured out. You would go on to college and finish in four years. Because that’s what you thought you needed to to to be successful. You had a double major and a minor and were in jeopardy of not finishing in four years. So, you switched some things around because you were determined to stick to the timeline and make it happen in four. No exceptions. Now that you’re out of school, I’m not sure why you were in such a rush to get out into the “real world” and get to work. Hindsight, right?
By the time you graduated from college, you knew you wanted to have a job in the television business. You wanted to wear pants suits to work and drive a Jeep Grand Cherokee. The dream Jeep was silver or blue and trimmed in gold. You were so specific. To your credit, you came pretty close. You got the job, wore the suits and after a few years, you even got a Jeep. It wasn’t all exactly in your timeline though.
You would kick yourself when things took longer to achieve than you thought they should. You would be so frustrated and feel like you had failed in some way. Now, I’m not knocking timelines, they’re good but you learned that you have to give yourself some grace and some allow leeway.
In all these years I think you’ve learned that timelines are good to have. It’s never a bad idea to have your goals set and written down for the sake of structure and focus. There’s also something to be said for appreciated the progress you’ve made and celebrating who you’ve become through each experience.
Love,
Me
I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts recently. It’s called “It’s Been A Minute”. They were talking about all the pressure we put on ourselves to do things in a certain time frame. People want to buy their first house by this age. They think they should be at a certain point in their career by a particular age. It’s easy to get caught up in the too early/too late game when you add in marriage and/or kids. When those milestones aren’t reached, it’s easy to feel like you’re not measuring up.
Time is just a suggestion
On the podcast, the host said something that really stuck with me. He said in other countries, time is just a suggestion. People don’t put the pressure on themselves to reach a status of some sort. In many other places, people aren’t so rigid and controlled by timelines. The hosts seemed to think it was such an American thing to have these timelines for all of these milestones. Who really sets these timetables? Why do we feel like we have to follow them? Who decides when it’s the best time to achieve any goal? One person who lives this out unapologetically is Tracee Ellis Ross. I love her for it, too! Being a single woman in her 40s with no children, she’s definitely dealt with prying questions. People can judge success based on what she hasn’t done instead of all the awesome things she has done!
I like the idea of time being a suggestion. You hear all the time in other countries of people having shorter workdays and longer vacations and a real maternity leave. Other places don’t seem to place the same emphasis on personal milestones and status as we do in this country. Here we focus so much on work and achievement and things. Social media can make it even worse. That Instagram and Facebook scroll will have you thinking that you are failing at life!
Dear you and me,
I just want you to know that you’re not behind. You’re on your own schedule. No one else’s schedule matters because they are not you. We all all completely unique, down to our fingerprints. You know what else is unique? Our journeys! Don’t beat yourself up for where you are. Just do your best where you are. Anything that is meant for you, won’t pass you by – it can’t. Trust the process and yourself. Trust that your life will eventually turn out just that way it should. If your timelines start to create peer pressure instead of motivation, it might be time to re-work a few things.
Love,
Me
