Here’s the thing… when it comes to motherhood, we’re all in the same boat. All of us seem to feel that no matter what we do, it’s not enough. We all seem to wish we could be there more. Nobody seems to feel like they have it all together. It’s called mom guilt.
Mom guilt. It’s a beast. How many times have you felt the sting after doing something for yourself. That familiar sting of feeling like you should have been doing something for your family instead of the time you took for yourself. Or feeling like you can’t make yourself a priority because that would make you a bad mom. Pssst: It doesn’t.
In talking to a friend recently it’s more than clear to me that we all lose in this mom guilt thing. As a mom who has been a working mom and a stay at home mom, I’m clear that we all have our struggles. As a working mom I felt like I missed out on so much. There were school activities that I couldn’t make it to because I worked too far away. There were many nights where I wasn’t at home for dinner because I was working late. My sons first steps were at daycare and I got the recap from one of his teachers. Sting! I’m sure there were other firsts there that they didn’t tell me about so that I could feel like I had witnessed something.
It was my fault
As a stay at home mom, my kids don’t understand that I work. That’s totally my fault. I tend to only work when they aren’t around. I’ve carved my writing and creating around their school and activity schedules. When they see me, I’m usually fully present as mama. So they don’t really have any reason to think I work. That wasn’t the intent. Even if I didn’t work and solely stayed at home, I think they’d question what I do because they don’t see all the work that goes into taking care of them and making sure things run smoothly at home. I’m taking steps to change that.
I’ve been sitting down with my laptop (like now) with them around me playing, asking questions, etc. while I write and listen to music. They’re mildly interested in what I’m doing, at first. Eventually they make their way back to what they want to do. I don’t know why I didn’t take the leap sooner. Oh, yes I do. Mom guilt. The thing is, no one makes me feel guilty but me. It’s all something I put on myself. Why? It took me being intentional about changing to actually follow through with it. Mom guilt can be hard to shake. Here are a few ideas to help you deal.
- Know that one bad day doesn’t make you a bad mom. Everyone has an off day for a number of reasons. Maybe you’re tired, there’s a ton going on, you’re overwhelmed… all of these can make for a sucky and and make mama snappy. Apologize to your kiddos, if needed and look forward to a better day.
- Think about why you feel guilty and if you should. Sometimes my guilt comes from putting myself first. Then, I have to stop myself and think about it. Putting myself first didn’t harm my kids in any way and there’s so much to be learned by seeing me make myself a priority.
- The grass isn’t always greener. Be it a working mom, stay at home mom or work at home mom, nobody is rocking it all the time. Don’t look to the next mom and think she has it all together. We all have our struggles.
- Some stuff you just have to let go. Kids can make you feel bad form something as simple as forgetting it was crazy hair day at school. You can’t beat yourself up about the small stuff. In the words of Elsa – Let it go.
How does mom guilt get to you? How do you push through mom guilt?
16 Comments on Easy Fixes to Crush Mom Guilt
Leave a Reply
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
“nobody is rocking it all the time.”
Nailed it. I related so hard with this post. Thank you. In all CAPS. 😀 Keep the great content coming!
I know a few Moms who constantly struggle with the guilt you’ve described here. This gives me good pointers on what to say. I’ll have to send this post to a few of them directly. Thank you for this.
I’m not a mom, but I know many mothers and parents in general can relate. As an adult, I do my very best to reassure my mom that she did an amazing job even during the times where she didn’t think she did!
I struggled with this when my kids were younger. They are now 15, 17 and 26yrs old. Every now and again they try to manipulate me to get their way and the guilt tries but I see it for what it is and I am able to say NO with confidence.
This post is so on time nd completely on point. Moms are too hard on themselves and this article is a good reminder that we don’t have to be.
The mom guilt struggle is real. I work from home with a toddler and I feel like i’m never doing enough for him, myself, or my husband. However, I realize that I only feel like that when I focus on all that I don’t do. Instead I have to focus on all that I do accomplish.
Thanks for the post. I really needed it.
This is a great post. Sometimes mom’s can be very hard on themselves but these are some great points that all moms can use.
Great post! I don’t know if I ever had a feeling of guilt. I know motherhood does not come with a guide book just like life does not. I do the best I can and show myself grace and remind other moms to do the same along the way.
“One Bad Day doesn’t make you a bad mom!” Absolutely! As moms we are so hard on ourselves! But we have to realize we are human and its okay if we have one bad day or a couple!
Some of my friends are part of mommy facebook groups. They say that some of the members are horribly judgmental. I would say leaving those would be a great way to lessen mommy guilt. You sound like
I’m so thankful I don’t have mom guilt. I was all in for the first 14 months and then I got all my life back. I was a bit more attached in the beginning because I breast fed.
I’m not a mother but I can totally see how this can happen. Shoot, I’m sure I will have these feelings when I become a mother. Shonda Rhimes has a clipped at a graduation she spoke at where she talks about this very thing, she said sometimes she is a really great mom and other shes a really great worker and knowing that both are ok.
Moms shouldnt feel guilty for doing the best they can without an instruction manual. I am not a mom yet but I respect all that you all do.
Being a mom takes so much trial and error I definitely have had moments where I wish I had done differently and felt bad about not getting it “right”. I have 2 children and I definitely made sure to learn from my mistakes with my first so that I can do better, that’s all I really can do.
Being a mom can be tough sometimes. We have our good days and bad ones too. The key is to not let the bad define us.
This is spot on. The mom guilt is so real. My sister and I used to laugh at my mom and say she was silly when she would talk about her mom guilt but babyyyy when I became a mom I realized just how impactful and real it can feel.