How many times have you heard a mom say, “I’m just trying to balance it all!” Whether it’s a mom who works outside the home or a SAHM – we all have the same story. Everybody is searching for the balance. Well, here’s my newsflash – it ain’t happening. I’m sorry. I know it’s that carrot that’s dangled in front of our faces and we chase it non stop like a hamster on a wheel. It’s time to stop. For real, girl. Hit the brakes and stop. I gave up balance. You should too.
At what point does anyone hit the jackpot of a perfect balance? When I worked full time and saw my kids about 2 hours a day, that didn’t feel like balance. I always felt like I was missing too much of their growing up. A lot of their firsts were witnessed by their daycare teachers. It’s the norm, right? That’s the trade off of being a parent that works outside the home. Staying home with them had it’s own issues because they were with me most of the time. So while I got so much time with them, there was never a minute to really just be me and breathe a bit. That balance we all seek… yeah, it wasn’t happening.
It’s the same as aiming for perfection with everything you do. When we chase perfection, we tend to dismiss the progress we’ve made. We don’t look so much at how far we’ve come because we’re so worried about what things look like now. It’s not perfect. There’s beauty in the imperfections though. We have to see that. When it comes to balance, we strive so hard for it that we can miss out on what’s really possible.
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Instead of balance, my goal became blending. I try to find ways to blend the wants and needs of my family with my own. It’s been working and seems like the best solution to not drive myself crazy. I will admit, it’s easier to blend because I’m in control of my schedule. When I was in the corporate world, it would have been tougher. Not impossible though. Gotta be creative.
So what’s this blending look like? If I’m taking my kids to the park for some play time, I bring my workout bag and take the time to exercise while I watch them play. They even join in sometimes. They get time to play and/or exercise. We still get quality time while I’m getting something I need too. We’re all winning. When we head to the library, I’ll sometimes bring a book I’m reading or find a book I’ve been wanting to read. The kids find books they want to read or they play in the play area of the library. I start by letting them choose a few books that I read to them before I dive into my own. Blend.
Can you think of some ways to blend what you want or need with what your kids want and need? What’s your take on the chase for balance?
42 Comments on I gave up on balance. You Should too.
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Very true. We can never sustain a perfect balance but we can find what works for us!
My baby girls are now both in college and I can speak from experience that “balance is what balance is for you.” It is totally a day to day proposition. I was blessed to have both my mother-in-law and a nanny to make sure my children’s needs were met during the time I was at work. Children are very adaptable, and the more people that love and care for them the better. I can truly say that I have a wonderful relationship with my beautiful, successful daughters where we converse, share experiences, enjoy music and concerts, and spend quality time together. As a mother, the best advice I can give you is to trust yourself, enjoy your time with your kids and love them with all your heart.
Hi Camesha,
I found your blog post on Triberr and had to come and read it. Once upon a time I was looking for that perfect balance until I realized that there really isn’t such a thing….in the real world that is.
I watch my grandson during the day and when I’m chasing him around the table I’m also getting exercise – so I put on my running shoes and go with it. 🙂
You’re right, it’s all about blending the wants and needs of ourselves and family.
Great post!
Cori
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Love your post! I feel relieved!
I liked combining the learning while I was shopping (which though Target is not always a me activity, it relieves my stress to know the shopping was done and be able to meander some or flip thru a few magazines) so kids and I would play I Spy in the store. “I spy something round and red.” Some stores in my area even hide a plush toy and the kids are so excited to find it! The other part is remaining flexible and if kids are cranky, sometimes it’s just not best to force your schedule on them. Or just get the essentials and limit meandering.
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I’m terrible at always trying to make things perfect. I’m to that point where I know I just have to do my best.
I think in many ways we are striving for this unachivable goal that has been protraid to use by the media and that is sad.
I LOVE this take on things. I see how people want balance and what that might mean for them, but like you, I’m a blender. I have to be. I can’t do everything I need to if I try to parcel everything out.
I’d love to have balance in my life, but right now that’s just not possible. Thanks for a refreshing take on this because it will help others not feel guilty.
I’ve stopped worrying about balance and started working on prioritizing better. I now wake up at 5 am every morning and it allows me to get soooo much more done before the kids wake up which allows me to spend more time being intentional when they’re awake. They also know that since I work full-time there are times when they need to let me work while they play quietly.
I have found as the kids are in their teens, they don’t need me as much. This allows me to focus more on myself and finding that perfect balance.
We have similar interests so that helps us be at the same place at the same time which creates balance in our lives. But sometimes we gotta just go with the flow.
This is a great idea. I’ve done some blending on a few occasions. Like letting my kids help me cook while we talk about their day.
This is such a great post! It’s important to try and remember that nothing will ever truly be perfect.
What a great idea. I’ve never really thought about it but I’m more of a blender too.
I love the thought of blending vs. balance. We should have to give up and sacrifice if we can make both work
This does make a lot of sense. I like the idea of blending. I could probably benefit from making better use of our time that way.
I think it’s a bit like a teeter totter… never quite balanced. You take turns with each side.
Balance is one of those things that can stress us more if we are “trying to find it”. Blending is definitely what I find myself doing!
Balance when having 7 kids, a house to run and a from home job can be so tough. Its one of those things I don’t stress over having/not having thats for sure!
Thank you so much for this post. I so needed to read these words today to stop beating myself up for not being able to balance everything all at once. I think what I am beginning to learn is that you can have mostly everything but NEVER ALL AT ONCE!
Working from home allowed me to be flexible with my routine. It must be so hard to try to figure out what works for your family when both parents work outside of the home.
I was thinking of a different kind of balance but this makes a lot of sense too! I think it’s important to just go with the flow of things and try to ride the waves as it passes by. We’re never going to be perfect for just do what you can with the resources that you have.
The balancing act is so over rated. I strived to do it so many times, but in reality there’s nothing balanced about it. This post hit so close to home!
What a great spin on trying to keep multiple balls in the air. I like the term “blending” as a way to describe the multi-tasking that’s got to happen if we are going to get it all done.
Oh, this is a very lovely post, so inspiring. Yeah, sometimes we should gave up on balance.
I’m happy that blending is working out for you. Some people never really find the balance or the blend, and to have this work for you and your family is awesome.
Everyone has a different balance in their life. A different meaning for balance. Mine (as a WAHM) is different than my sister that is a full time out of the home working mom.
Chasing balance is a never ending chase. I feel like blending is a much better way to go.
Single mom of two here. I’m a firefighter/paramedic meaning I work outside the home for 24 hours At a time. Plus I blog/vlog and I’m working on a book. I guess I’ve been instinctively “blending for years now” but still beating myself up for not “balancing.” But I’m learning to enjoy fun time with them and incorporate that into my videos. While writing my books manuscript I’m giving it to my oldest child to read (he’s curious) so he’s reading, I’m working- we’re bonding. May park at the far end of the parking lot on not so busy days and run a quick sprint to the store (safely) and we did a lil exercise, had fun, and grocery shopped. Soooo GREAT ARTICLE!
Yes! I love all of this! We have to make it work the best we can and not beat ourselves up for it. Blending just seems to make way more sense! Single mom of 2, firefighter/paramedic – you, my dear, are a rock star. 🙂
Yes and a thousand times, yes! Finding balance is the hardest part of being a mother and when I’m unable to achieve it, I end up feeling like a complete failure. I, too, have found ways to incorporate my needs with the needs of my family and it is a much more realistic option for me and leaves me feeling accomplished rather than feeling under the pressure of not dropping the ball.
Boom – exactly that! We put so much pressure on ourselves to do it all and be perfect at it. Blending totally takes some of that pressure off.
Yes I agree, it can be so tiring trying to be “perfect” all the time!
It’s too hard and so draining to try and be perfect all the time.
I love the concept of blending. The other night, as I was playing Curious George with my preschooler, we were reenacting the part where George trains to go into space. So I had us doing squats, lunges, burpees and pushups. I got a mini workout, and my daughter was never the wiser!
Nice! Good job mom! I love it.
I couldn’t agree with you more!! Balance isn’t always something we can control. Sometimes life is just, well, nuts! I love this idea of blending. And of course I love the example you chose of bringing your workout gear to the park :). I like to blend my workout with some “me” time by watching my favorite Youtubers or rocking out to music while I’m on the treadmill or elliptical.
Yes. Life is nuts. Gotta make it work however we can.
Aahhh, yes! Blend! That actually makes me feel better! My toddler loves to help me in the kitchen and is becoming quite the little chef. I think it helps to have the little ones engage in activities you enjoy in addition to their play time favorites (princesses!) I just did not look at it this way! Great post!
Love this! I struggle with this due to my full time job, side hustles and my own blog. My thing is to watch my shows. I turn them up loud enough so I can hear and I play on the floor with my daughter. She’s starting to be cognizant of it since most times it’s a daily event so when she hears certain theme songs or jingles she will even stop and sit on my lap and watch for a few minutes – very few since she’s one ha!
Love this post and I totally agree, I think living a ‘balanced’ life is a fantasy that we chase but won’t ever reach. I love the idea of blending. And sometimes, we just have to put what we’re working on on the back shelf to take care of what matters most. 🙂
SO true! I always say that balance is different for everyone and involves understanding your priorities and making constant adjustments around those priorities. It’s more of a mindset than it is spreading yourself equally for everyone. The traditional definition of balance is unatainable in todays world. Taking time for what matters most means letting other things go at times and that’s ok!