For me, having children was a beautiful thing. Being a mom is truly my favorite gig. I am that mom that doesn’t have complaints about motherhood. I’m not saying things are always perfect. I’m not saying my babies are always angelic. What I am saying is that I made a choice to bring them into this world. I had an understanding of what I was getting into. I don’t think you can fully know, until you’re in it. While it’s not always butterflies and ice cream, I love my babies and have no regrets about bringing them into the world.
I say all this to say, I read an article about this lady and it almost made me want to punch her. Almost.
So, in May 1979, Stuart was born, blue in the face as the cord was wrapped round his neck. While other mothers would be frantic with worry, I remained calm when the doctor whisked him away. I sent Tony back to work and for the next four hours I waited without any apprehension.
I did not really think about Stuart at all, until Tony returned after work and asked where he was. He was fine, of course, but when they wheeled him back into the ward I did not experience that sudden leap of the heart that new mums are expected to feel. Instead I sat down with a cup of tea and thought bleakly, ‘What have I done?’
I don’t have a problem with her feeling this way. I’m sure she’s not alone. Everyone isn’t in love with being a mom. Some people flat out don’t like children, even their own. She’s entitled to feel the way she feels. My issue with her is that she wrote this article pretty much saying why she wishes her children were never born and then added their names and pictures to drive the point home.
I can’t imagine if my mother felt this way about me AND then went on to publish an article about how much she regrets my existence. An article complete with pictures of our presumed happiness during my childhood. It’s one thing to feel like your mother doesn’t like you, or you’re not close or you don’t connect. For Isabella, her kids know how she feels. I’m sure that gives them the warm fuzzies. Now their friends, co-workers, spouses and everyone else also knows. Thanks, mom!
While some people share my rage regarding this story, others applaud her for saying what so many don’t. Some feel like her speaking up will give other women comfort in knowing they’re not alone. I guess I can see that point. I just happen to think it was completely self-centered to put her kids on blast for their existence. Turns out, they had no choice in the matter. No child gets the chance to ASK to be here.
I’d love to hear your thoughts…
13 Comments on Isabella Dutton called her babies parasites…
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I think there’s an unfairness to those children as well. I can’t even remotely relate to those types of feelings, but if I had them, I would never lay potential damage onto my children’s psyches by voicing that publicly, especially to this extent!
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I would not have put the pictures up of the kids keep their identity to yourself you already don’t like them don’t make matters worse just leave them along and let them live their life. I understand what she is saying some mothers do feel that way because seeing kids and babysitting is not the same as having them live with you full time its a job not many of us think about until it happens. Once you have had them if you feel you don’t want them give them up to someone who does.
Kita recently posted…Convo at Dman’s Play
I think she sucks, as a mom, for feeling the way she did.
the blessing of allowing to mother God’s creations is one that should not be taken lightly and I wish she would’ve fully acknowledged the weight of it before she decided to bring the children into the world.
I think it’s great that a woman can be honest beforehand and say that she doesn’t want children, but the key word is beforehand.
A part of me wants to reach out to her kids, probably full grown now because I hope they didn’t have a sufferable childhood.
Sunny recently posted…The Benefits of a Seasoned Mama
you kinda wanna punch her and i actually want to punch her. For someone like her adoption is an option. Like Kita said, give them to someone who loves them. Thats not to say they didn’t have love, their father probably loved them but as a mom she was probably the worst kind.
Krissy recently posted…The Weekend
I can’t believe that she still feels this way. I can see her feeling this way initially after giving birth as she probably was afraid of being a mom and felt disconnected. I don’t get it though but as you said she’s entitled to feel this way! What a horrible mother!
Aracely recently posted…Pop of Color
I understand how she feel, and respect her right to talk about it. But putting their photos out there serves what purpose? That’s just wrong. The end.
LaShawn recently posted…Hard Choices
I wasn’t going to read it but I had to out of curiosity for if she said “love” at all. And she did, which is nice. I don’t really understand her need for sharing this story. I don’t imagine what it’s like to be one of those kids. I cannot understand the indifference and having another kid. It just makes me feel weird – like one of those “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” movies in which either a mother or maybe it was her daughter said, “I am your mother (or daughter) but I can’t feel anything at all.”
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It’s actually just pretty disgusting. I get some people have those feelings but admitting it is one thing, and you’re entitled to voicing your inner feelings but adding names and pictures is just low down. I couldn’t imagine how they feel, but after having the 1st child why have more??
Candace (NYStateofMom) recently posted…MANICure Mondays
I’m kind of taken aback that she would not write this anonymously. Addiitonally, I’m also wondering why she decided to include her children’s names and photos. I guess she figured that they were at the point where they wouldn’t necessarily be ridiculed for their mom’s opinion given their ages?
At first I was also angry at her for having more than one child if she didn’t even want the first than claiming it would be selfish to stop at one!
Lastly, I feel like this is aprime example of karma being a witch. She didn’t want children yet still decided to bring them into this world and now that they are grown she has to continue caring for her sick daughter.
The Mrs./ The Mom recently posted…20 months
I don’t even know what to say about that article. I agree with the commenters that said she should have tried to protect her kids identities just a little. Wow. I like being a mom but I understand how some people might not, this seems really extreme!!
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I’m not going to even pretend to understand why she feels the way she does. She chose to have sex and get pregnant. Point. Blank. Period. These women want us to feel sorry for them or applaud them for being honest, but what they need is a wake up call. A reality check. Nobody held a gun to her head.
There are so many options available like birth control, getting your tubes tied or just plain ol’ staying celibate for those who don’t wish to have children and know that they aren’t motherhood material. And for those blaming their spouses for being the reason they “had” to have kids, I say that’s bull. I’m sure you knew that your spouse wanted kids before marriage and if that was a no go for you, you have walked then.
When I hear about stories like this, it just proves how far gone from humanity some of us are. It was beyond rude and disrespectful to put her children out there like she did. I just can’t bring myself to feel sorry for her in the least.
YUMMommy recently posted…Bible 365: Week 21
I saw that and was also shocked she’d show their faces and share their identity. I can’t imagine how awful her kids would feel to know this. I wholeheartedly agree that it’s our choice to have kids, but after one I wonder why she’d have more? I too felt like I wanted to have several kids before having one and now after having one I have no desire for more, but I know that it’s a probably a temporary feeling and someday I may have another, but to say such harsh things and call them parasites is truly heartbreaking. So sad.
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