A few years ago, I was listening to a speaker. I don’t remember who it was. What I do remember is the message. She talked about how we as women playing small without even realizing it. Once she explained her thoughts, I have to say, it was an aha moment for me. I have been in the process of checking myself on the ways I shrink myself. I realized there are so many ways I do it. You know what the reason usually is? I seem to think I’m looking out for other people by not showing what I’m capable of. You know who ended up getting the short end of the stick here, right? Yeah, me too.
The things the speaker talked about were somethings I hadn’t thought of. It’s so obvious too. Maybe the same is true for you? She talked about losing a simple word to make all the difference. What’s the word? Just. Here’s a few situations where you might think of giving this word the boot. Think about when you’re sending an email at work to follow up on something. Do you ever say something like, “Hey, I was just checking in about the ETA for that graphic?” Do you make calls and say, “I was just wondering when I could pick up that package?” When someone asks you what you do, is your answer “I’m just a stay at home mom”?
Did you ever think that simple word could be seen as you playing small? That one word “just” might be minimizes you and what you’re saying. When that light bulb went off for me, I started thinking of all the ways I throw the word “just” in my conversations. I was definitely guilty of it in the workplace. The thing is, once you know something you can’t un-know it, right? That’s how this stuck with me. I started to notice all of the times I was throwing “just” in there and if it’s really needed. I also noticed how different it sounds when I leave it out.
No More Playing Small
When you take the “just” out you sound more in control and not diminishing yourself in any way. Notice how different it sounds when you say I’m just a stay at home mom and when you simply say I’m a stay at home mom. There’s a big difference in saying “Hey, I was just checking in about the ETA for that graphic?” And saying, “Hey, what’s the ETA for that graphic?” It’s definitely stronger and more confident. Am I right?
I think that as women, we’re sometimes too concerned with being nice. I mean, how else do you explain all the smiley faces and lol’s in emails!? We tend to like to say things in a way that people won’t feel is being emotional or aggressive. We all know that there are a different set of rules when you’re a woman, but what if we stopped playing by those rules. The thing is sometimes you need that aggression and emotion. If that’s who you are, is it wrong?
I’m wondering, have you noticed that you throw the word “just” in there to soften your tone or to play something down? What do you think about the speakers take on the use of the word?
P.S. I so wish I remembered who the speaker was…
