Back in 2011, I started my blog Bibs + Baubles. As a new mom it was my outlet. I was shifting into this new phase of life and most of my friends couldn’t relate. They weren’t in that space yet. No one was really that interested in talking about my engorged boobs. Can’t blame them, right? I started B+B to connect with other moms. I wanted to find other women who were in a similar spot. There was a need to relate to other people as I transitioned to the role of mama and tried to hold on to who I was before I had my son. I was determined to still be my pre-mama self. For some reason, I was convinced I couldn’t let her go.
I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. I found out how common it was while talking to other moms. The blog became my safe space to explore my new reality while I tried to wedge the old me in there as much as possible. Slowly, pieces of the old me began to disappear. I wasn’t going to happy hour with my colleagues as much – if at all. My interest in our company parties was all but gone. I became a little less obsessed about fashion week. LOL Full disclosure: I still wanna attend the one in New York. My priorities overall shifted in a major way. At first, I thought that giving up parts of me was equal to me losing myself in my kids. After awhile though, I didn’t fight it at all.
Here’s what I learned. With each life transition we become a new person. The things we want change, the things we do change – we change. That’s life. When we stop changing, when we stop growing, we die. The girl I was in high school changed drastically when I went to college. The woman I became in college morphed into a new person once I started working in my career. With each stage, I didn’t just change – I got better. I feel the same about motherhood.
As a single woman, I did whatever I wanted. When I got married, that changed a bit. While I still do what I want, I consider my husband. I compromise because he’s a huge part of my life. When we had our children, that brought on more changes because they are a huge and important part of our lives. We aren’t the same people we were when we met. If we were our children would be in trouble!
While I do maintain parts of the old me, I do so in ways that make sense. I think about what’s best for me AND my family. I am no longer chasing the woman I was. She’s gone. It would be like wishing my kids were babies again. They had their time as little chunky babies but they’ve grown. I love who they are and look forward to who they’re becoming.
The things I loved at my core are still there. I still do them. It just may not be as frequent as before. The dreams that I had then are so different than the dreams I have now. The core of those dreams though, they’re the same.
We can’t fight so hard to hold on to who we were that we forget to acknowledge who we’ve become. The woman you are is remarkable. You’ve learned so much and have even more to offer because you have experiences to back it up. Recently, I had to remind myself of that. I had to give myself a big girl talk about why I was talking myself out of something that made total sense for me. I thought I wasn’t ready. It was easy to tell myself I didn’t know enough. Now, I know better. The woman I was, she wasn’t ready. I can’t make my decisions based on her. She’s gone. I’ve let her go. I’ll let you in on a secret though, the best parts of her are still here.
Are there parts of your pre-mama self that you’ve willingly let go? What are you still holding on to?
16 Comments on She’s gone. It’s time to let her go.
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Loveeeeeeee this and so true!
I’m so different from my pre-mama self. But like you said that is ok. I like who I have become as a mom. I’m different, but I love how much I have learned and grown since becoming a mom.
Loved this post 🙂
You are so on point, I love it!! Letting go of the girl I use to be has allowed me to fully grow into the woman I am today. When I look back at my pre-mama self, I can honestly say I’m glad I let her go.
I’m still holding on to my ability to have fun with my peers. I don’t down myself in my children. Other than that, she’s gone forever..and that’s cool. I gained 4 great people in the process.
Kinda makes me sad, as I have definitely drifted away from my mommy friends, even my little sister who is a fairly new mom is more distant now. Everything is totally about the babes, and they’ve gravitated toward building with other moms. But kids do change things, they become the priority, and it is what it is. Sometimes change and evolving is good.
This is beautiful! I’m a newlywed and I can relate to the fact that I’m not that single woman anymore and I have accepted new responsibilities and a new family I have to consider. I have always been comfortable with each stage of my life but it’s great to read this perspective!
Seems like I’ve been a mom forever. I don’t even remember what I was like prior to babies. I was young so yeah, all the parties and wanting to be a star rapper had to go lol!
I’m not a Mommy but an Auntie and the one thing that I used to hold on to (since I can remember) is my need/desire for approval from my immediate family members. I’ve been thru a lot in the process called ‘adulting’ (lol) and once I let go of that, the stress literally was lifted off my shoulders.
Girl, I let go hanging out as much. I think my body kind of forced me into it. Plus, I enjoy hanging out with my family and husband more now anyway.
I am different in many ways than I was before I had my son. So ways for the good and some ways for the worse. I have to do better
This is a really great post! I love what you said about considering your husband and children when making decisions for yourself. This is so true! I have personal goals and projects I’d like to pursue, but I have to make smart choices and take my family into consideration. I have found when I do this, they will respect my time when I want to focus on my personal interests. It takes a lot of balancing, but it works!
I’m not a mom, but I can relate to this in so many ways. It’s been kind of difficult for me to let go of who I was in college. It was such an incredible time of my life, but in a lot of ways, that person is gone now and it’s definitely time that I let her go. My life has changed for the better and it’s time I embrace that.
LiveLifeWell,
Allison
This is very true. I’m a completely different person post-mama!
I have gone through more than a few phases while still trying to hold on to the person I’m growing out of. Unfortunately, it’s kind of leading to an end to a few relationships. It’s not easy, but I’m adjusting well and accepting things for what they are :-).
I’ve had so many transitions in life its hard to keep track of them. I really love this post. There is no reason to chase the woman I use to be, she is gone, and a better version of myself is here to stay… until I evolve again lol
I’m not a mom but I KNOW what it feels like for a transition. I’m a much better person these days…